It Will Never End
by suchitis
Summary: A Mahabharat fanfiction, based on the Star Plus version where Vrushali deals with Karna going to war and the aftermath.


**Just a short one-shot on Vrushali/Karna. I loved the actress who played her on Star Plus. The two of them are some epic romance material**

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><p>Karna knew that he should be commander-in-chief. He knew that he should be on the field fighting. Instead he was walking in the Kaurav camp, greeting soldiers who would get to see the battlefield before him. Sighing frustratedly he kicked open the curtains of his tent and sat on one of the couches, deep in thought. Why wouldn't Bhishma let him fight? His lapse of judgement during that terrible day the Pandavas lost everything could not be the only reason. Why half of the maharathis in the Kaurav army were guilty of the same crime of witnessing the disrobing of Draupadi! Why was he the only one to be punished for it? He closed his eyes and everything looked red behind his eyelids and try as he did, Karna couldn't get rid of the feeling of resentment at his mother for letting him grow up in a world alone where he would never be given what he deserved by merit. It was all her fault.<p>

Times before the war made everyone look back at their lives and reflect at everything they had accomplished, every mistake they had made, every event that made them who they were. Everything in Karna's life just seemed about struggle. Struggle to know who his mother was, struggle to get out of his parent's house, struggle to get the education he knew he deserved, struggle against the caste system, struggle to maintain loyalty while being tested to follow through with every adharma possible, struggle to keep a cool head while everything seemed to go up in flames, a struggle to fight in a war he was supposed to protect Duryodhan in. Karna knew that he would only be able to enter the war if Bhishma fell, and that was near impossible considering that even Arjun wouldn't shoot arrows at his beloved grandfather. Everything seemed like a blocked end and there was no escape from this mess.

Suddenly a breeze of cool air hit his face as the curtains to his tent opened and then came the sound of tinkling anklets. Angaraj knew the sound well and he opened his eyes and looked at his wife walking next to their bed, holding a basket of flowers in her arms; silent as she moved around the tent placing the flowers in various places, lighting the candles, fixing small things like straightening the sheets, the cushions, the exact alignment of the diya stands. Of course they had maids to do all that and she really didn't need to bother, but like Karna, Vrushali couldn't let go of the habits of independent living she learnt from her upbringing and that meant that she wouldn't let the servants enter her private chambers to do anything except clean. Other queens of the Kaurav brothers thought that she was showing them how much better a housekeeper she was than them. But Karna knew that she simply didn't feel comfortable around servants whose job was to canter to her every whim. For a blissful moment he forgot all about the confusion of war as he watched his wife move about the room.

Her small hands, heavy with ornaments, moving lightly along the fabric of the tent. The smell of her ointment as she moved across from him. The sound of her anklets, hidden by her long skirt. The weight of her waist belt on her delicate hips. All these provided to be welcome distractions from the gloom of war. Once she was done she looked at him impassively and he knew she was trying to think of the best way to approach him without letting her vulnerability show. Oh his stubborn Vrushali! He patted the seat next to him and motioned her to sit next to him.

"Kumar Radhey what causes you to be in such deep thought?" she asked, using his long lost name that, now, only she used.

"Do I need to answer that?" he asked giving her a half smile. She placed her hand on top of his and once she felt how hot his body had become she drew it back and started panicking.

"Hai Bhagwan! You have such high fever! You never take care of yourself!" she scolded him as she moved to where the jug of water was kept "I don't know why you ever left your mother's house. At least there someone used to take care of you. You're so old, the father of nine grown sons and you still can't take a little care of yourself? Is this was you left your family to learn? How to gain all this power only to lose it because of illness? Huh? Answer me!"

She huffed and put a cool cloth on Karna's forehead glaring at him angrily. So quickly he'd gone from an angst ridden warrior to a meek husband being reprimanded by his wife. He couldn't help but smile at the thought and somehow that made Vrushali even more angry and she threw the cloth down as she said, "Fine laugh at me! Let's see how well you do alone without me." She turned to leave but Karna caught her wrist and pulled her back into him.

She squirmed, but when she realized that he wouldn't let her go she stopped moving and continued glaring at him.

"You're so stubborn Vrushali," Karna said softly as he moved a curl off her face, "You reprimand me for getting ill, but at the same time you won't give up on me either. What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"Well," Vrushali replied looking down, "All the gold you gave away to your _prajajan_ couldn't have hurt." She looked up and smiled at him with bright eyes.

Karna picked her up and started to move towards their bed. Even though she felt like protesting Vrushali knew that Karna would see through her protests. He always did, even though sometimes he would try to humor her. As they lay side by side, Vrushali started listening to the soft sounds of hooves and the clinks of armor of the men outside, waiting for the first day of war. A war that she was somewhere thankful her husband would not be participating in.

"Radhey?" she asked softly. Karna had already closed his eyes, but he pulled her into an embrace and said, "Yes, Vrushali?"

"You really want to fight tomorrow don't you?" If anyone else had asked this question Karna would have diplomatically said that he was obliged to listen to Bhishma as commander-in-chief and agreed with every decision he made. But with his wife he couldn't hide his feelings.

"I do," he whispered, "I do. And I do not know the reason Maha Mahim Bhishma isn't letting me raise my weapons. Though an amateur next to him, I still am capable of fighting well against the Pandavas and aiding my friend. I just don't understand. When he gave everyone his decision I felt as if he were trying to protect me. But protect me from what? If I am to die, I would rather die a warrior on the Kurukshetra than live like a coward in my house."

Vrushali leaned in and kissed his cheek and said, "You will fight. I know that you will. It is your destiny. But Radhey, we both know that when you go then Arjun… Arjun will…" Soft sobs erupted from her throat and she buried her head in his chest unable to stop her tears. His arms tightened around her and he took a deep breath in.

"And then Arjun will kill me. Or I'll kill him." Vrushali looked up and gave him an incredulous look through her tears. "Ok, I know. With Krishna as Arjun's charioteer even I know that nothing can harm him on that field. We all know that Krishna is blessed. But this is everything for me, this war will finally be the end of the struggle of my life. Don't you want this fight to end?"

She shook her head like a child, "No! If it means losing you then I don't want to end this fight. I can't live without you! I don't know how I can survive this planet without you by my side."

Karna knew better than to try and change her opinion about their relationship, so instead he said, "At least I'm not going to fight now, thanks to Bhisma."

"I should thank him," said Vrushali quietly, "At least I can stay with my husband for a few more days."

"You know," he said, "If you keep saying this things like that I'll never be able to leave and fight properly. Because in the back of my head a voice will keep saying that I'm doing the wrong thing by upsetting you. Remember when I told you that any man who will win you will be lucky. I never thought myself fortunate enough of have a person like you in my life. Riches, a kingdom, power all these things I knew I could have if I worked hard enough. But never a partner in this life who could save my soul so many times. You are the best thing in my life. The best person I know. You are brilliant, witty, stubborn, completely ridiculous and so, so beautiful. How will I be able to live my destiny if I know that you are here sad at my choice?"

Vrushali knew that all Karna wanted was her to let him go to war, but it was the only thing that she couldn't do. She had never held him back from anything and all these years they'd stayed cordial and respectful of each other's boundaries. But now all she wanted was to tear all the separations between them, she only wanted to be a girl protected in her husbands arms from the raging war around them. She did not want to lose her husband without letting him know that she appreciates him as much as he appreciates her. She wanted to tear down his façade of coolness and see the passion beneath his skin. Passion which she rarely saw and only in moments when he lost control of himself only to regain it quickly. He should scream and shout! Anything would be better than this calm acceptance of his fate.

She looked at him, tears now flowing freely. "Radhey, Radhey please don't leave me!" Her pitch raised higher and more desperate as she tried to convince him to stay, even when he would have to go. "You said that I was to show you the path! Why won't you listen to me?"

"Because you aren't seeing the possibilities I am. If I fight I can finally die as a warrior. My life will be complete!" he said with a hint of excitement, "You understand, do you not Vrushali?"

"No!" she screamed leaving his arms and standing up "No, I do not understand! I thought I was the only thing you needed. Or am I not good enough anymore? Can I not give you that happiness? Can I not be part of your destiny?"

"You are my destiny Vrushali, but this-" Karna tried to interject.

"Stop it!" she said sharply "You don't understand. You will die. You will be killed on that battlefield. Arjun will pierce your body with his arrows and Krishna will do nothing to stop him. Did you know that Krishna was the one who told me to go after you that day when you left me at Indraprastha? He knew that we were meant to be together. But if you go out there, if you go out onto the holy land of Kurukshetra you will most certainly be killed because you are fighting against Krishna. You are fighting against the Pandavas who, despite all their flaws, are better rulers than Duryodhan could ever be and you know that. You will die because you're siding with adharma. The only thing that could save you a place in heaven is your loyalty. But what good will that do? You will be dead! Do you not think about me? What will I do without you? Who will I wake up to? Who will I talk to? Who will I scold, who will I love? Do you want me to die too?"

"Silence your tongue Vrushali," Karna said sharply, stepping off the bed and placing his hand over her mouth. His eyes were wild with panic at her words and he didn't know how to contain himself.

"Radhey, please please don't close yourself off," Vrushali begged, "Just listen to me. Stay with me until you are called to war. Stay with me and let me take care of you. If you still wish to fight after that, I will not stop you. But give me until then to stay with you."

Karna looked into the eyes of the woman in front of him. He knew that in that moment she didn't deserve a man like him. She deserved someone who could stay with her and love her for her whole life. She didn't deserve to be with a selfish, ambitious warrior like himself who was going to war knowing that he will die leaving her alone. The only thing she was asking was time, time for them to stay together. And his mind was made up. If he couldn't give her a lifetime, he would give her these few days. Hoping that they could last forever.

He nodded and taking her hand he took her back to their bed.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Everything went numb. There was buzzing in my ears and suddenly I couldn't breath. It was like the time when I was standing near the side of the sea and a wave came in stronger than expected and it took me under with it. I was trapped, I couldn't breath and I didn't know which side was up. Then I felt strong hand grab my shoulders and pull me up. Radhey held me as I wept out of fear of what I had just experienced. Except he wouldn't pull me out. He couldn't… and everything around me went black.

Voices drifted into my darkness as I came around.

"Ssh! She's waking up."

Radhey! The image of being brought my husband's body came into my mind. And I screamed. I screamed and screamed because nothing could alleviate the pain I felt in every cell of my body. The _Ved_ came in and force-fed me a sleeping draught to calm me. I looked helplessly at the face of my servants above me as I slipped into unconsciousness.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"The Pandavas won."

I had just woken up and could hear the guards gossiping in front of the tent. I didn't want them to know that I had awaken, so I got up slowly only to stumble and hit the diya stand next to the bed. The servants rushed in and put me back in bed. The Ved was brought in and I was to be checked.

After he was done with his inspection he said, "You are strong enough to attend Angaraj's funeral if you wish."

I couldn't say anything so I simply nodded. Before I knew it I had been changed into a rough white cotton sari, all the kajal from my eyes had been wiped off and the ornaments removed. I was taken to an open ground with several funeral pyres burning in the distance. The acrid smell of burnt flesh was in the air and everyone was talking in hushed voices around me. The priests raised a body wrapped in a white cloth onto the pyre and asked everyone to place a piece of wood onto it. After someone had held my hand to put my wood on the pyre, everyone went quiet. I turned to see the Pandavas approach wearing white robes on their battered bodies. Behind them Queen Kunti was approaching with her daughter-in-law.

"Did you hear?" This voice sounded like a woman's. A woman who spent half her life gossiping away. "Angaraj was their elder brother! Queen Kunti's eldest son, born as a gift from Surya Dev before she was married. Of course she couldn't keep him so she let him drift off into the river Ganga. Imagine!"

"Poor, Angaraj! Born into a King's family by a god, only to be brought up with the hardships of a common man."

The voices lowered and my mind was reeling. Radhey was Kunti's son? Had he known? Of course he had. My mind went back to the night before he entered the war. Kunti had told him that day so that he would refuse to fight his brothers. An odd sensation took over me as the ceremony continued. My Radhey. My king, my friend had been betrayed by everyone. His royal mother, his family, his society, his best friend. He had always been alone.

The fire had been burnt by Yudhishtir and the flames were rising now.

He wouldn't die alone too.

I could hear the screams as I broke free of my guards and jumped into the fire. The smoke burnt my throat and blocked my vision. I remembered someone telling me that people in fires die due to suffocation and not the burns. The fire was roaring around me and I fought to keep focused.

"When you die remember Krishna. That's the purpose of all this. Just remember Krishna." That's what Vidhur had told me and Radhey when we got married. He would have remembered Krishna.

"Krishna. Krishna. Krishna." I chanted in my mind and I felt the heat and the agony of my lungs.

Krishna. Krishna. Krishna.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"You're here Vrushali."

A hand came towards me. I grasped it and laughed at its familiarity.

I knew we would have forever.

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><p><strong>AN: ****Hope you enjoyed! And if this is your first time ever reading Hindu mythology fanfiction leave a review telling me what you think!**


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